The Southern Hemisphere’s Winter is upon us, and nothing screams “Take me, I’m yours!” like my splendidly warm, fluffy duvet. (This is the single life y’all.)
So, come 1:30 am – nothing, I mean NOTHING, short of a natural disaster could possibly get me out of bed. So I present to you 5 Thoughts that are not important enough for you to want to get out of your warm bed this winter (Nice, succinct title… Yeah?)
1. “I need the bathroom.”
Oh yes. Everyone has experienced this. You’re nice and cozy, drifting off to la-la-land…. when BAM!
Bladder: Excuse me, I gotta go.
Me: Can’t you wait until morning?
Bladder: Well… maybe I could. I mean, I might just only poison your system.
Me: Come on. Only six hours to go.
Bladder: Cool. Just don’t think about any waterfalls.
Me: *thinks about waterfalls*
2. “I hate this stupid sleeve of eternal coldness.”
Ugh. Now this is a personal hate of mine. Totally bugs the crap out of me.
So you’ve washed your hands after finally giving-in to point 1, and crawled back into your warm bed. Only to realize that you wet the tip of your pajama sleeve under the tap, and it is freaking freezing. But now I’m back in bed. Mostly warm. What in the world would possess me to get up again to change my shirt? It’ll dry soon enough, I’m sure.
An hour later: Is this stupid sleeve still wet?! My hand is about to fall off.
*Gets up and changes shirt*
3. “Did I lock the front door?”
No footstep retrace, nor assurance from a family member, could possibly put my mind at ease, when I’m not sure about the front door’s “lockedness” status.
Especially after watching the adorable Elijah Wood scalp a few unsuspecting ladies in Maniac the other night. My hair is staying on my head thank you very much. You homicidal maniacs can dress your mannequins in other creepy things, if you don’t mind.
Up I get. Go check the front door.
4. “Did I feed the cat?”
I know I closed the back window… I know I put away his collar. But um, I don’t remember his food status…
He’s probably sleeping somewhere and won’t eat until morning anyway.
*Cue images of starving and/or dead cats*
*Get’s up to check*
The food bowl is pretty damn full.
5. “I just had an award-winning, incredible idea for a work campaign, and I am going to forget it if I don’t write it down!”
What the hell, I’ve been getting up ALL freaking night. Not happening. I will just have to remember my idea.