The Midweek Marshamallow: Internets pt 2

Hello again,

I know I’ve done this before, but I just can’t ignore the fact that people keep ending up on my blog after typing in very unusual Google search terms. Google searches that really shouldn’t be bringing them here.

I suppose that I should really be using these terms as a guide. I’m obviously not giving the people what they want.

*Sigh* Let’s give this a bash, shall we? *INITIATE FEEDBACK MODE*

1.  “Sparkly capsules poop confetti”

Um. I think you need to take a long, hard look at yourself and ask your inner-being whether this was what you wanted out of life. Is this the person you wanted to become? Do you feel as though you have been utilizing your time well? I hope this response has helped you find what it is you were “searching” for. ie: Not sparkly poop.

2. “Famous people scratching crotch”

mj

Enough? Not enough? More?

3. “Naked hairy man from Honduras”

Screen Shot 2014-03-13 at 5.08.53 PM

big foot

You’re welcome.

Bisous!

Zozette

Advertisements

The Midweek Marshmallow: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

We’ve all heard this stupid, stupid joke – which is apparently an example of “anti-humour”, where a traditional punchline is expected, but an obvious statement is relayed instead. But what if this joke has always been, in fact, a traditional joke, but no one has been smart enough to get it?

My genius little sister (Whose thoughts and internet meanderings can be found here and here) had a sudden realization the other day. “To get to the other side” has always been a traditional punchline. I’m sure some people have actually seen it that way – but I can assure you that a large percentage of the population are now going to have their minds blown.

(According to dictionary.com) 
"cross over to the other side" 
to die; pass away.

chicken*Car screeches to a halt*

Yes. Yes, I know.

Roadkill.

You are very welcome.

Bisous!

Zozette

The Midweek Marshmallow: Le fatigue

My world is, and has always been, consumed by the never-ending sensation of tiredness.

3ufeo8

Being a terrible sleeper from childhood, I have learned to cope with everyday life on minimal sleep. Unhealthy, I know – but something I’ve grown used to. However, I find that when I’m faced with a heavier than usual work-week, weird shit starts to happen. This is usually a sign that I actually need to make a conscious effort to GO TO SLEEP EARLIER.

If any of these things have happened to you this week – take it as a sure-fire signal that you need a decent nap. (Let me also just clarify that these events are 100% true and have not been embellished for the sake of story-telling.)

3 Sure-fire ways to let you know that you need more sleep in your life:

1. You mistake nail varnish remover for eye make-up remover

I thank God that acetone smells like pure acid, because I only noticed my mistake as the cotton ball wafted past my nose towards my eye. Let us all take a moment to appreciate how catastrophically painful that would have been.

2. You morph your environment to suit your needs

Driving home from work the other day, I found myself exhausted and terribly hungry. (The most un-fun combo ever.) I glanced at a small shopping mall on my way home and some giant signage caught my eye. “PEKING DUCK”. Oh my goodness. How good would peking duck be right now? They must have amazing peking duck if they specifically made a giant neon sign to advertise it. I got home and thought about that darn peking duck through the night. The next morning I drove past the same mall and glanced at the sign. Apparently they were pointing out a very convenient “PARKING DECK”. No duck. Not even a little bit.

3. Your brain calender malfunctions (badly)

Let’s just say I’ve planned my entire day around meeting up with friends after work.

(Hypothetically.)

(Not really.)

I’ve put my makeup bag in my car. (So that I can fix up my face in the car)

I’ve worn shoes to work worthy of evening attire. (Not practical nor comfortable)

And I’ve told a bunch of people that I’ll see em later. (Only to receive a message that says “You do know this is happening NEXT week, right?”

Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail.

To avoid confusion, hanger (hunger+anger) and/or severely disfiguring 3rd degree burns, it’s probably best if you just go to sleep at a reasonable hour. For the insomniacs out there like myself, maybe just take up yoga and don’t operate heavy machinery.

Bisous!

Zozette

The Midweek Marshmallow: Doctors

Since everyone has the sniffles in the office this week, my marshmallow-brain has got me thinking about doctors.

Not in the McDreamy/McSteamy kinda way. (Because – no.)

But more in the – what were people thinking when they decided to call it a “practice” – kinda way.

There is nothing more unnerving than a doctor “practicing medicine”. I’d like the “practice” to be over before being helped out, if-you-please.

“Oh oops! I just removed your kidney, instead of your appendix. But it’s ok – I’m just practicing!!”

No.

Bad choice of word. It should be called a medical “performance”, or something. Rehearsals are over.

Sigh.

English language. Why do you plague me so?

Bisous!

Zozette

The Midweek Marshmallow: Lip balm

Winter has finally rolled over to South Africa in full force, so this morning I went out and bought the most essential item for winter in the world ever!

Whether you call it lip balm, chapstick, lip ice…. it really can only be described as: “A magical, heaven-sent gift, filled with many healing properties of excellence…”

AND I bought a nice expensive one, which obviously means that after only one use, I can expect my lips to resemble that of Angelina Jolie’s.

Obviously.

My actual reaction on receiving my new lip-ice:

zach_10964

Bisous!

Zozette

PS: The long weekend is coming up, people! Viva Youth day, VIVA!

The Midweek Marshmallow: Internets

Today’s Midweek Marshmallow is inspired by a post I saw on Girl On The Contrary‘s blog. She spoke about checking up on the internet search terms people had used to get to her blog.

I realized that I had never actually paid  any attention to those search terms before, so I went through my own and picked out a few of my favourites to share with you today.

1. “I love short people”

I already love you, whoever you are. If you need some short people to send love to, this is probably the best place. Well done Google.

2. “stupid dolphin head”

Firstly, that is mean. Secondly, dolphins are actually really intelligent marine creatures. – And thirdly, wtf, why here?

3. “Merlin Monroe”

Um. I’m not sure why the internets sent you here, but you were obviously looking for this:

merlin-monroe_o_940137

You’re welcome.

Bisous!

Zozette

The Midweek Marshmallow: Meatloaf

Since incredibly strange things filter through my marshmallow brain on a daily basis. I thought I’d start a new segment on Bisous! Zozette, where I share these nuggets of useless information, straight from the sugary depths of my mallow-brain. I’ll post a new one, every week on Wednesday – since that’s when the brain starts to switch over from “Monday Blues” to “Friday Woohoos”.

Today’s thought:

Did anyone actually find out what Meatloaf wouldn’t do for love? Because not knowing is kind of ruining my life.

Also, who else remembers that Meatloaf was a bus-driver in the Spice World movie? That was weird.

meat loaf

Bisous!

Zozette

PS:

meatloaf_11013