I know I’ve done this before, but I just can’t ignore the fact that people keep ending up on my blog after typing in very unusual Google search terms. Google searches that really shouldn’t be bringing them here.
I suppose that I should really be using these terms as a guide. I’m obviously not giving the people what they want.
*Sigh* Let’s give this a bash, shall we? *INITIATE FEEDBACK MODE*
1. “Sparkly capsules poop confetti”
Um. I think you need to take a long, hard look at yourself and ask your inner-being whether this was what you wanted out of life. Is this the person you wanted to become? Do you feel as though you have been utilizing your time well? I hope this response has helped you find what it is you were “searching” for. ie: Not sparkly poop.
2. “Famous people scratching crotch”
Enough? Not enough? More?
3. “Naked hairy man from Honduras”
Hello there, everyone.
Well, more specifically, hello to all the single people out there.
I know that you are not really looking forward to Valentine’s day this year, and I know that the love-bird parades fluttering about the whole day are going to make your gag-reflexes kick in. But don’t worry, you’re not alone in this.
If you are not looking forward to a day alone, I have managed to rustle up a few suggestions to make this day a little easier (and simultaneously more sad) for the single gal/fella out there.
1. A Boyfriend pillow.
Look at that manly arm! Find this hunk for sale on Amazon. Also available in girlfriend material. (Haha – See what I did there?)
2. A cardboard cut-out of Jon Hamm
This lady has got it right! Papercuts aside, this date is wonderful company and easily stowed away when not in use.
3. Microwave dinners for one
Sonia really looks like she knows how get the party started. Oh boy.
4. This musical compilation
On a serious note: Beyonce made millions of dollars singing about being single. (Nevermind that fact that she wasn’t actually single at the time). Grab a box of chocolates and stay in for a Community/New Girl/Super Fun Night marathon. The single life ain’t that bad y’all.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
We’ve all heard this stupid, stupid joke – which is apparently an example of “anti-humour”, where a traditional punchline is expected, but an obvious statement is relayed instead. But what if this joke has always been, in fact, a traditional joke, but no one has been smart enough to get it?
My genius little sister (Whose thoughts and internet meanderings can be found here and here) had a sudden realization the other day. “To get to the other side” has always been a traditional punchline. I’m sure some people have actually seen it that way – but I can assure you that a large percentage of the population are now going to have their minds blown.
(According to dictionary.com)
"cross over to the other side"
to die; pass away.
*Car screeches to a halt*
Yes. Yes, I know.
You are very welcome.
Never will I regret a day more than the time I told my colleagues that I once cried while watching Michael Jackson’s Earth Song music video. (The looks of judgement I received were more than enough to keep me from revealing how many Celine Dion albums I actually owned.) This is the confession that has haunted me relentlessly over the past few months, and I think it will continue to do so, for the rest of my life. Thank you female hormones for putting me in this uncomfortable position, yet again.
But come on, people!? The elephant just got right up again at the end?!
Peeps like to complain. (Let’s not lie – I’m guilty of this myself.)
However, I always like to remind people to appreciate how things could have been so much worse.
Ben Affleck is going to be Batman? Eh. It could have been Nicholas Cage.
You don’t like Nickelback? Eh. It could have been called NickelCage.
You thought Miley Cyrus’ video was inappropriate? Well, it was… and a little pretentious, and unnecessarily exposed. BUT – now I hear my own words of wisdom in my head and smart-me says “Eh. IT COULD HAVE BEEN NICHOLAS CAGE.”
Happy Friday the 13th y’all.
May this image only stay in your head for 5 minutes while you laugh hysterically – then disappear from your mind permanently.
Winter has finally rolled over to South Africa in full force, so this morning I went out and bought the most essential item for winter in the world ever!
Whether you call it lip balm, chapstick, lip ice…. it really can only be described as: “A magical, heaven-sent gift, filled with many healing properties of excellence…”
AND I bought a nice expensive one, which obviously means that after only one use, I can expect my lips to resemble that of Angelina Jolie’s.
My actual reaction on receiving my new lip-ice:
PS: The long weekend is coming up, people! Viva Youth day, VIVA!
Today’s Midweek Marshmallow is inspired by a post I saw on Girl On The Contrary‘s blog. She spoke about checking up on the internet search terms people had used to get to her blog.
I realized that I had never actually paid any attention to those search terms before, so I went through my own and picked out a few of my favourites to share with you today.
1. “I love short people”
I already love you, whoever you are. If you need some short people to send love to, this is probably the best place. Well done Google.
2. “stupid dolphin head”
Firstly, that is mean. Secondly, dolphins are actually really intelligent marine creatures. – And thirdly, wtf, why here?
3. “Merlin Monroe”
Um. I’m not sure why the internets sent you here, but you were obviously looking for this: