Rap music is not something you’d ordinarily find on my iPod, nor blaring out the speakers of my car. As a matter of fact, I’ve found that separating my Breezys from my Weezys, is not a task that I find too eezy. (See what I did there?)
However, being a writer, I can definitely appreciate the mind-blowing amount of time it takes to put together a song’s-worth of witty and sharp rhymes.
I am utterly confounded though, when producers allow lyrics of a rather ridiculous nature to actually make it into the recording studio.
So, for your amusement, I’ve compiled a list of my favourite facepalm-worthy rap lyrics. (Aren’t you lucky?)
1. “Haterz get mad cuz I got me some Bathin’ Apes.” – Soulja Boy
At first, I could only assume that Soulja Boy was talking about his haters becoming consumed by jealousy over the thought of his shower being filled with primates. I have since discovered that Bathing Apes are, in fact, a Japanese sneaker brand. Go figure.
2. “I like them black, white, Puerto Rican, or Haitian. – Like Japanese, Chinese, or even Asian.” – Chingy
I appreciate your openness and worldly tolerance, Chingy. Thank goodness Japan and China are not in Asia though, or these lyrics would be pretty redundant… Oh wait.
3. “Never let me slip, cause if I slip, then I’m slippin’” – Dr Dre
Uh… So are you saying that it totally slipped your mind that something slippery made you slip, while you were wearing a silk slip?
4. “Watch out for the medallion. My diamonds are reckless. Feels like a midget is hanging from my necklace.” – Ludacris
Christopher. Brian. Bridges.
It is frowned upon for people to “wear” little people as jewelry, or even suggest that it is possible.
5. “Dear Mr. Toilet. I am the sh*t. Got these haters p**sed, cause my toilet paper thick” – Lil Wayne
I’m all for a good metaphor, but I feel like this one may be lost on me. If Lil Wayne is, for lack of a better word, “the doo-doo” then why would he be so pleased about his toilet paper being so indestructible? Surely in the world of toilet humour – toilet paper is the arch-nemesis of poop? *Sigh* So confusing.
I wish I did enjoy rap music more. I feel like it could help me out with my obvious lack of street-cred. I guess I could just get a grill like Miley, some knuckledusters, and a face-tattoo instead? Yeah?